As a child growing up, I remember many instances when I disagreed with my parents. My over-riding belief, at least then, was that adults cannot understand what teenagers are going through. My feelings were that, because I am unique, it was impossible for anyone to properly advise me as to what the best way to think or act in a given situation was. For example, my mother, and older siblings, frequently reminded me of the importance of getting good grades and staying in school, which, before the age of 15, I gladly accepted as good advice.
Once I reached the age of 15, however, something happened to me that is still confusing. Suddenly, I began to feel woefully abnormal, especially when I compared myself to anyone else. I found myself consumed with worry about what my friends thought of me. Yet, with typical teenage coolness, I managed to keep up the charade of coolness to my friends so that they would accept me. Unfortunately, this meant that, when asked by one of them, for example, to ditch school so that we could party or commit some other socially frowned upon act, my need to be accepted compelled me to go along with the "cool" kids. This need to be accepted by my peers became a priority that I held above all others in my youth.
No longer did I listen to the advice of my family. To do so would mean that they were right, which, was impossible. How could they be correct in telling me to go to college, when all that I wanted to do is hang out with my friends? How can they decide that going to college is the best thing for me? With these questions in my mind, and a bellyfull of, what I considered, their hypocrisy, I decided to drop out of high school at seventeen to find work.
And, I did exactly that. After a few years, though, of working in the feast or famine environment of construction, as well as many other lower wage jobs with no opportunity for advancement, I began to experience the results of not following my family's advice. Whereas, I once thought of myself as unique and capable of choosing the best path for myself, I came to view the life that I had created as dismal and disappointing. The friends that I worked so hard to fit in with rarely ever contacted me. Gone were the days when socializing with my friends was my life's priority, replaced by the consuming urgency of how to pay for my rent, food, utilities, and everything else that I needed to survive. Reality bites hard, and harder still for the person in extreme denial.
Remembering this stage in my life was spurred on by my overhearing a teenager angrily tell their parent that they did not understand what the teen was going through. I felt, both, amused and pained by the similarities between the angry teenager and myself of twenty-plus years ago. Amused, partially because the feeling that teens have, of being so unique that the normal rules do not apply to them, are unoriginal, with almost every adult having experienced the same feeling during adolescence. It pained me, though, to remember my own stupidity and arrogance. Yet, maybe it is useful to look back at one's teenage years, so that one is more compassionate towards the feelings of today's teenagers. In their freshly forming world, they are unable, for the most part, to understand that they are special and unique, to a point.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
It's All About ME
How many of us have those special people in our lives that require great attention? These lovely people insist that the world's focus should be on them. Frequently, these special people can be observed whining because others do not understand their greatness, and, sometimes, this leads them into a state of rage. Yes, folks, I am talking about the narcissist.
A few facts, provided by Wikipedia, about our topic:
"'Narcissism' describes the trait of excessive self-love, based on self-image or ego.
The term is derived from the Greek myth of Narcissus. Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph Echo. As punishment, he was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus pined away and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissus.
In psychology and psychiatry, excessive narcissism is recognized as a severe personality dysfunction or personality disorder, most characteristically Narcissistic personality disorder, also referred to as NPD.
Sigmund Freud believed that some narcissism is an essential part of all of us from birth and was the first to use the term in the reference to psychology.[1]
The terms "narcissism", "narcissistic" and "narcissist" are often used as pejoratives, denoting vanity, conceit, egotism or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others" .
Andrew Morrison claims that, in adults, a reasonable amount of healthy narcissism allows the individual's perception of his needs to be balanced in relation to others" (Wikipedia.com).
But, what is a healthy amount of narcissism? Surely, the amount that entails loving one's self is good. Yet, in my experience, many people exceed the healthy and appropriate amount of self love. Narcissists automatically expect others to see and feel the same amount of love and admiration that narcissists have for themselves. These unfortunate people delude themselves into believing their own greatness, even in the absence of accomplishments or success that would serve as proof for their claims.
Many of us have experienced a narcissistic co-worker or boss. They are the ones that spend a lot of energy belittling what others have done without them, as well as discrediting anyone to whom they feel might shine a little brighter than themselves. Sometimes, they are preoccupied with using whatever power that they have to subjugate others, thus, perpetuating their own self love. If one were to believe in 'evil,' these maniacal bullies would be in the dictionary as an example.
Yes, these special people are to be pitied. They spend much of their time selling their own greatness to themselves and everyone who can be forced to listen. And, then, when they can no longer make others listen or follow their self serving plans, some fly into a rage that is directed at all who remain closest to them, if, there is anyone still willing to take the abuse. Then comes the greatest evil, their propensity for exacting revenge on whomever they vilify. More than one good human being has been wrongly injured by this diabolical act of the narcissist.
It seems like a very lonely world, especially later in life, for the narcissist. Given the chance to reach old age, it seems that most people would, quite naturally, evaluate their life. What could the narcissist honestly say about themselves? I guess that they could claim that their preoccupation with themselves made a positive difference to the world. Yet, since they invested most of their energy into promoting themselves, all of this energy is lost once they die. It serves nothing. Nobody remembers the narcissist for anything more than her or his tendency to create animosity, pettiness, and abuse. Indeed, we can love ourselves too much.
A few facts, provided by Wikipedia, about our topic:
"'Narcissism' describes the trait of excessive self-love, based on self-image or ego.
The term is derived from the Greek myth of Narcissus. Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph Echo. As punishment, he was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus pined away and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissus.
In psychology and psychiatry, excessive narcissism is recognized as a severe personality dysfunction or personality disorder, most characteristically Narcissistic personality disorder, also referred to as NPD.
Sigmund Freud believed that some narcissism is an essential part of all of us from birth and was the first to use the term in the reference to psychology.[1]
The terms "narcissism", "narcissistic" and "narcissist" are often used as pejoratives, denoting vanity, conceit, egotism or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others" .
Andrew Morrison claims that, in adults, a reasonable amount of healthy narcissism allows the individual's perception of his needs to be balanced in relation to others" (Wikipedia.com).
But, what is a healthy amount of narcissism? Surely, the amount that entails loving one's self is good. Yet, in my experience, many people exceed the healthy and appropriate amount of self love. Narcissists automatically expect others to see and feel the same amount of love and admiration that narcissists have for themselves. These unfortunate people delude themselves into believing their own greatness, even in the absence of accomplishments or success that would serve as proof for their claims.
Many of us have experienced a narcissistic co-worker or boss. They are the ones that spend a lot of energy belittling what others have done without them, as well as discrediting anyone to whom they feel might shine a little brighter than themselves. Sometimes, they are preoccupied with using whatever power that they have to subjugate others, thus, perpetuating their own self love. If one were to believe in 'evil,' these maniacal bullies would be in the dictionary as an example.
Yes, these special people are to be pitied. They spend much of their time selling their own greatness to themselves and everyone who can be forced to listen. And, then, when they can no longer make others listen or follow their self serving plans, some fly into a rage that is directed at all who remain closest to them, if, there is anyone still willing to take the abuse. Then comes the greatest evil, their propensity for exacting revenge on whomever they vilify. More than one good human being has been wrongly injured by this diabolical act of the narcissist.
It seems like a very lonely world, especially later in life, for the narcissist. Given the chance to reach old age, it seems that most people would, quite naturally, evaluate their life. What could the narcissist honestly say about themselves? I guess that they could claim that their preoccupation with themselves made a positive difference to the world. Yet, since they invested most of their energy into promoting themselves, all of this energy is lost once they die. It serves nothing. Nobody remembers the narcissist for anything more than her or his tendency to create animosity, pettiness, and abuse. Indeed, we can love ourselves too much.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Keep Your Eye on the Ball
I have tried to be unbiased in my views of the McCain and Obama campaigns for President. The reason for this is my philosophy that one must listen to both sides to make an informed voting decision. This philosophy, though, is being tested with McCain's latest strategy.
It seems that McCain, realizing the popularity of Obama, has recently broken his agreement with his opponent, as well as the American people, to focus on the issues without disrespecting his opponent. In his attempt to discredit Obama through selective and incomplete quotes, McCain has begun to sarcastically mock his opponent's suggestion for Americans to keep their vehicle tires properly inflated to maximize fuel mileage. According to a recent Time magazine article, appropriately entitled 'A whole New McCain,' he is reported as saying "My opponent doesn't want to drill ... He wants to inflate your tires." He has even been passing out tire gages in his attempt to discredit Obama as out of touch politician.
The problem here is, though, that proper tire inflation, especially when we consider the millions of vehicles driven everyday in America, is an appropriate strategy to increase gas mileage and lower our oil consumption, period. Yet, McCain, supposedly wishing to make Obama look silly, or to keep the oil corporation's profits at their current record breaking pace [you decide], continues to run television ads about Obama's celebrity status, thus, his inability to understand or relate to the problem that the less affluent American voter has affording health care or fuel for their car. And, as history has shown time and again, it is far easier to win an election by discrediting an opponent than it is to win on the merits of one's proposed solutions for a problem. So much for the informed voter.
I think that the McCain camp realizes that the only way to keep in this race is to make people, whether they are poor or rich, fear a new direction that entails abandoning policies that prioritize big business before the collective good of the American people. I believe that many people, who previously touted the obvious immediate benefits of the "trickle-down" philosophy during, and since, the Reagan years, have noticed the shrinking of the benefits trickling down from the success of America's biggest corporations, such as the oil companies. Many people understand that new drilling is only a short term fix that will not make any positive difference at the pump until about 2012, and, even then, it won't last long.
So, whatever direction you are leaning in the debate on new oil drilling, please keep in mind the tactics used by political candidates. Try to objectively focus on the issues, not the sarcasm or suaveness of our next President. It is the only way to keep McCain, Obama, and the media focussed on presenting solutions for our environmental, financial, and social problems.
It seems that McCain, realizing the popularity of Obama, has recently broken his agreement with his opponent, as well as the American people, to focus on the issues without disrespecting his opponent. In his attempt to discredit Obama through selective and incomplete quotes, McCain has begun to sarcastically mock his opponent's suggestion for Americans to keep their vehicle tires properly inflated to maximize fuel mileage. According to a recent Time magazine article, appropriately entitled 'A whole New McCain,' he is reported as saying "My opponent doesn't want to drill ... He wants to inflate your tires." He has even been passing out tire gages in his attempt to discredit Obama as out of touch politician.
The problem here is, though, that proper tire inflation, especially when we consider the millions of vehicles driven everyday in America, is an appropriate strategy to increase gas mileage and lower our oil consumption, period. Yet, McCain, supposedly wishing to make Obama look silly, or to keep the oil corporation's profits at their current record breaking pace [you decide], continues to run television ads about Obama's celebrity status, thus, his inability to understand or relate to the problem that the less affluent American voter has affording health care or fuel for their car. And, as history has shown time and again, it is far easier to win an election by discrediting an opponent than it is to win on the merits of one's proposed solutions for a problem. So much for the informed voter.
I think that the McCain camp realizes that the only way to keep in this race is to make people, whether they are poor or rich, fear a new direction that entails abandoning policies that prioritize big business before the collective good of the American people. I believe that many people, who previously touted the obvious immediate benefits of the "trickle-down" philosophy during, and since, the Reagan years, have noticed the shrinking of the benefits trickling down from the success of America's biggest corporations, such as the oil companies. Many people understand that new drilling is only a short term fix that will not make any positive difference at the pump until about 2012, and, even then, it won't last long.
So, whatever direction you are leaning in the debate on new oil drilling, please keep in mind the tactics used by political candidates. Try to objectively focus on the issues, not the sarcasm or suaveness of our next President. It is the only way to keep McCain, Obama, and the media focussed on presenting solutions for our environmental, financial, and social problems.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Dividing the United
I was reading some replies on a forum about the negotiations between Obama and McCain concerning the presidential debates coming this fall. To get some of you up to speed, McCain's camp has proposed the smaller "town hall" type venues for the candidate's debates, whereas, Obama wants the larger, more typical debate structure.
What caught my eye, though, were the many replies within the thread that sounded so childish. They resembled the arguments and anger displayed on the schoolyard when we were young. One person, attempting to discredit the beliefs of another, mentioned that their opinion meant nothing because they were from a certain state. This, to me, is about as logical as discriminating against people with the letter "E" in their name. Similarly, other comments on the same thread were so busy putting labels, such as liberal and conservative, on one another that the valid points made by both about the topic were dismissed without thought or discussion.
Then, I began to think about how much we condemn politicians for behaving the same way. Much has been said recently about American's dislike for political mudslinging and attacks on opponents that do not concern the issues [e.g. a candidate's name, age, marijuana use as a youth, etc.]. Yet, we, the people, debate the issues and partake in the spreading of misinformation in the same manner as politicians. Usually, nothing is talked about in a way that is helpful to finding solutions for the problems that we all share.
Whether potential solutions come by way of conservatives, liberals, independents, or equally important others, who cares? It is past due that we begin to erase the bias that keeps us divided. It is obvious that an open mind is needed, yet, less obvious is the fact that issues, such as health care, must be approached in a way that benefits ALL members of our society, not just the groups lobbying our leaders for ways to make more money or increase their power.
In the end, trust and respect for one another is the glue that keeps us united. Trusting each other, regardless of political affiliation or philosophy, will only come when the supposed solutions to our problems do not entail favoring one group over another. It allows us to say "okay, let's try it your way," though, we might question the outcome. Respect for one another, on the other hand, keeps communication open and concentrates our energy on finding ways to benefit everyone. All that respect entails is to listen and validate each other's concern for the topic, though, we believe differently.
It is time to grow up. The schoolyard mentality is seldom productive in solving arguments and frequently contributes to the hatred and violence within our culture. Once we get past this way of approaching things, it is possible that our society might become far greater than we ever imagined it could.
What caught my eye, though, were the many replies within the thread that sounded so childish. They resembled the arguments and anger displayed on the schoolyard when we were young. One person, attempting to discredit the beliefs of another, mentioned that their opinion meant nothing because they were from a certain state. This, to me, is about as logical as discriminating against people with the letter "E" in their name. Similarly, other comments on the same thread were so busy putting labels, such as liberal and conservative, on one another that the valid points made by both about the topic were dismissed without thought or discussion.
Then, I began to think about how much we condemn politicians for behaving the same way. Much has been said recently about American's dislike for political mudslinging and attacks on opponents that do not concern the issues [e.g. a candidate's name, age, marijuana use as a youth, etc.]. Yet, we, the people, debate the issues and partake in the spreading of misinformation in the same manner as politicians. Usually, nothing is talked about in a way that is helpful to finding solutions for the problems that we all share.
Whether potential solutions come by way of conservatives, liberals, independents, or equally important others, who cares? It is past due that we begin to erase the bias that keeps us divided. It is obvious that an open mind is needed, yet, less obvious is the fact that issues, such as health care, must be approached in a way that benefits ALL members of our society, not just the groups lobbying our leaders for ways to make more money or increase their power.
In the end, trust and respect for one another is the glue that keeps us united. Trusting each other, regardless of political affiliation or philosophy, will only come when the supposed solutions to our problems do not entail favoring one group over another. It allows us to say "okay, let's try it your way," though, we might question the outcome. Respect for one another, on the other hand, keeps communication open and concentrates our energy on finding ways to benefit everyone. All that respect entails is to listen and validate each other's concern for the topic, though, we believe differently.
It is time to grow up. The schoolyard mentality is seldom productive in solving arguments and frequently contributes to the hatred and violence within our culture. Once we get past this way of approaching things, it is possible that our society might become far greater than we ever imagined it could.
Friday, August 1, 2008
True Dignity
It is rare for me to lose hope in humanity. I have always thought that our species would overcome our tendency to allow the powerful people of the world to subjugate the weaker. That people would get over their narcissistic need to dominate others for the simple purposes of building their own self esteem or satisfying their lust. That, given the choice, the average human being is capable of maintaining compassion for others, rather than committing acts that scar and terrorize innocent people for the rest of their lives. This, among a few other thoughts, have allowed me to remain optimistic about humanity.
Optimism begins to disappear, though, after one reads stories such as the one about the man who decapitated a fellow bus passenger while he slept, much to the horror of the surrounding people. It is simple to claim that this was the result of the actions of an insane person, and, undoubtedly, I think the claim is valid. Yet, another story that I read yesterday horrified me to a greater extent.
The story concerns our American service women being raped by our servicemen. According to CNN, Rep. Jane Harman, D-California reported that her "jaw dropped when the doctors told me that 41 percent of the female veterans seen there [Veterans Affairs hospital near L.A.] say they were victims of sexual assault while serving in the military." My jaw, in addition to my heart, dropped as well.
Reading on, I discovered that, according to CNN, "the Pentagon's top official on sexual abuse, Dr. Kaye Whitley, was ordered not to show up despite a subpoena" by the House of Representatives.
Seeing the military attempting to obstruct this investigation was more than enough to turn my stomach, if, it were not already turning from the actions of some of our servicemen. I have to ask the pentagon, and all the servicemen who have committed rape, what the hell is wrong with you people? Is it a deficiency of respect for others that allows you to take and do whatever you want? Or, are you no different from a rabid, diseased, dog, spreading its affliction and sorrow to others?
Some days, I have my doubts about our species. Then, almost miraculously, I see or hear of, both soldiers and civilians, doing something heroic. Jumping into harms way to save someone that they don't know, or, giving to others, when they barely have anything to give. Or, those that tell the truth, even though it sacrifices what they hold dear. These are the finer examples of humanity that display compassion, honor, and the true dignity of our species.
Optimism begins to disappear, though, after one reads stories such as the one about the man who decapitated a fellow bus passenger while he slept, much to the horror of the surrounding people. It is simple to claim that this was the result of the actions of an insane person, and, undoubtedly, I think the claim is valid. Yet, another story that I read yesterday horrified me to a greater extent.
The story concerns our American service women being raped by our servicemen. According to CNN, Rep. Jane Harman, D-California reported that her "jaw dropped when the doctors told me that 41 percent of the female veterans seen there [Veterans Affairs hospital near L.A.] say they were victims of sexual assault while serving in the military." My jaw, in addition to my heart, dropped as well.
Reading on, I discovered that, according to CNN, "the Pentagon's top official on sexual abuse, Dr. Kaye Whitley, was ordered not to show up despite a subpoena" by the House of Representatives.
Seeing the military attempting to obstruct this investigation was more than enough to turn my stomach, if, it were not already turning from the actions of some of our servicemen. I have to ask the pentagon, and all the servicemen who have committed rape, what the hell is wrong with you people? Is it a deficiency of respect for others that allows you to take and do whatever you want? Or, are you no different from a rabid, diseased, dog, spreading its affliction and sorrow to others?
Some days, I have my doubts about our species. Then, almost miraculously, I see or hear of, both soldiers and civilians, doing something heroic. Jumping into harms way to save someone that they don't know, or, giving to others, when they barely have anything to give. Or, those that tell the truth, even though it sacrifices what they hold dear. These are the finer examples of humanity that display compassion, honor, and the true dignity of our species.
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